We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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