So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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