I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I should be sponsored by Trojan
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
