i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
