i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
