I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
