i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My life is pants optional.
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