My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
