I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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