I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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