Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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