I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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