i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
