Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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