What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
