So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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