so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
