I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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