90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
