Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
