I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
