Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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