when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
