I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
