I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
