so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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