Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
