the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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