I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
