nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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