He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
