Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
