Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
