took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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