So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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