oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
