that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
