her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
