i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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