worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
