I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
pray to the hookup gods
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
