At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
