Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
being pregnant is like rehab
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
