This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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