I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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