Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
