don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
