just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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