Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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