I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
