dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
