I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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