Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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